


Advice

by PetrichorPerfume



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Bad Advice, Bad Boy Castiel, Cas doesn't answer prayers, Castiel Loves Dean, Castiel is in love, Dean Loves Castiel, Dean Loves Pie, Diners, Happy Ending, Jealous Dean Winchester, Love Confessions, M/M, Rude Castiel, With Humanity, jk it's Dean
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-08
Updated: 2014-08-08
Packaged: 2018-02-12 07:24:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,031
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2100723
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PetrichorPerfume/pseuds/PetrichorPerfume
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Castiel comes around hinting he's in love with his brother, Dean gives him the worst advice he can think of.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Advice

Castiel arrives in the Winchester’s motel room with a plan. He’s finally going to admit to Dean how he feels. He has watched several movies in preparation for this moment, and he feels _ready._

 

“Hello, Dean,” he greets.

 

“Hey, Cas.” Dean briefly looks up from his research and gives him a tired but sincere smile.

 

“I need help.” He hides a smile; _this is it!_

 

Dean shoots him a worried look. “With what? Heaven? Hell? Angels? Demons?”

 

Castiel shakes his head fondly; leave it to Dean to expect the worst. “I need your advice.” He lets the words sink in before continuing. “I believe I am in love, and I require your assistance wooing the object of my affections.”

 

***

 

Dean’s heart skips a beat and his stomach drops in the ensuing silence. Castiel is in love. Castiel, _his_ Castiel, is in love with someone that _isn’t him._

 

“Is it an angel?” He growls. “Or some demon whore?” He doesn’t mean to sound so bitter, but he can’t imagine an angel – _his_ angel – fucking around with a demon instead of him. He can handle if Castiel’s future lover is an angel; after all, Castiel himself is an angel and he can’t hope to compare to Heaven’s warriors. It had better be an angel, he thinks.

 

“It is a human.”

 

Dean sees red. Not only is Castiel in love with someone that isn’t him, he’s in love with a _human_ that isn’t him. He briefly entertains the idea of tracking down the human and killing it for _daring_ to take what is his, but then he deflates. He loves Castiel enough to want him to be happy. He forces a grin. “What’s her name?”

 

“The human is male.”

 

Dean feels like crying. This is getting more unfair by the minute. Cas, his angel, his savoir, the love of his life, is in love with a _human male_ that isn’t him. “Yeah? Tell me about him,” he forces out.

 

Castiel smiles, and Dean wants to wipe it right off. “He is a brave man. Smart, handsome, loyal. He is everything I could have ever wanted and more. He is my best friend and the only one I could ever imagine being with.”

 

Dean’s heart drops further. There’s only one person it could be. “Is he a hunter by any chance?”

 

Castiel beams. “Yes.”

 

  1. Dean feels like the punch line to a bad joke; only he could fall for an angel who would fall for his brother. He swallows hard. “And... And you want _me_ to help you seduce this guy?”



 

Castiel nods. “Please, Dean. I love him so much.”

 

Dean laughs bitterly. If he can’t have Cas, no one can. “Sure, Cas. I’ll teach you everything I know.”

 

***

 

An hour later, Castiel leaves with a list of things he needs to do to win over Dean’s heart.

  1. _Be rude to him. Everyone likes a bad boy._
  2. _Play hard to get. When he prays, don’t answer for a couple of days._
  3. _Embarrass him in public. Guys love this._
  4. _Show up dressed in your worst outfit. This will show you’re comfortable around him._
  5. _Eat his food. Men enjoy when potential mates consume newly-purchased food._



 

Castiel smiles. Dean will be his in no time.

 

***

 

When Dean prays to him for help with research, he doesn’t answer for three days. When he finally does pop in, he’s dressed in rags.

 

“Hello, Dean.”

 

“Where the _hell_ have you been? And what are you _wearing?_ You’re lucky no one died while you were off fucking around in Heaven!”

 

“But Dean, you said-”

 

“Just get over here and help us, asshole.”

 

***

 

He accompanies Dean to a diner several days later. He smiles inwardly; he’ll have a chance to put several steps into action at once.

 

When the waitress comes to take their order, Castiel interrupts Dean. “He’ll take a salad.”

 

“Cas, what the hell?” Dean turns to the waitress. “I’ll take a cheeseburger, if you don’t mind.”

 

Castiel laughs obnoxiously. “But Dean, if you keep eating such unhealthy items, you’ll become obese. Please get him a salad.” He subtly knocks over his water into Dean’s lap. “Oh, Dean, did you just wet yourself?”

 

The waitress looks between them in shock. “I’ll... I’ll get your some napkins?” She scurries off.

 

“Cas, what the fuck?” Dean hisses.

 

Castiel smiles at his future mate. His plan is working! “It’s okay, Dean. Incontinence is nothing to be ashamed of.”

 

Dean shakes his head and tears the bundle of napkins from their waitress’s hands. “Just get me some pie,” he growls.

 

The pie arrives five minutes later. Castiel picks it up with his hands and starts to eat it.

 

Dean glowers at him, then throws his wallet at Sam and leaves muttering, “Fucking angels.”

 

“Cas, what are you doing?” Sam asks. “First you didn’t answer Dean’s prayers, now _this?_ ”

 

Castiel takes out the list Dean gave him. “Dean said that I should follow these steps to win his love.”

 

Sam reads the list and struggles not to laugh. “Cas, this is how _not_ to win someone’s love.”

 

“But...” Castiel hangs his head. “I asked for advice wooing him.”

 

Sam raises an eyebrow. “What did you say, exactly?”

 

Castiel repeats the conversation he’d had with Dean.

 

Sam shakes his head. “So, you didn’t tell him that you were in love with _him_?”

 

“No. I thought it was obvious,” Castiel says petulantly. “He’s the only handsome, brave, male hunter I know.”

 

Sam glares at him.

 

“What?” Castiel asks. Sam raises an eyebrow. “Oh. Oh... Oh! He thought... He thought I was talking about _you_! Poor Dean!” He flies away.

 

Sam pouts at their empty seats. “Poor me.”

 

***

 

“Dean.”

 

“Go away, Cas.”

 

“Dean.”

 

“No, Cas.”

 

“Dean!”

 

“Look, it’s bad enough that you’re in love with my brother, but then you have to go ignore my prayers and embarrass me in public and eat my pie!”

 

“Dean, I’m not in love with your brother.”

 

“Great, so there’s another handsome male hunter that you just happen to know that’s not me!”

 

“Dean, I only know two hunters.”

 

“Wait, so if it’s not Sam, then...”

 

“It’s you, Dean. It’s always been you.”

 

“Cas....”

 

“Dean.”

 

“Cas?”

 

“I’m here, Dean. I'll always be here.”


End file.
